Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

i'm posting here a
bit to push some of the spam
out of the way now
Haiku # 54271, August 25, 2016 1:55 pm ET
by vhs
this internet was
once a novelty but now
it is the zeitgeist
Haiku # 54270, August 25, 2016 1:45 pm ET
by vhs
I'm making a lot
of life changes today and
the waiting scares me
Haiku # 54269, August 25, 2016 1:37 pm ET
by vhs
i just wish we could
control "hello hello" etc
so posts could be this
Haiku # 54268, August 25, 2016 1:34 pm ET
by vhs
james patterson ventures into his darkest climate yet... verse...

james patterson releases lyrics for new song, "better than you", as sung by jack reacher (as portrayed by pitbull)...

james patterson releases retro vinyl album designed to appeal to the young... achieves meta-ironic success...

james patterson begins to sell life-sized realdoll recreations of his famous characters... scenes portrayed with guns begin appearing online...

famous writers rebel against patterson hegemony... put down by lifelike reacherbots...

patterson hegemony splits along lines of reacher/cross schism...

pittsburgh becomes site zero of nuclear warfare as aging writer's cybernetics fail, technology needed for repair lost in great internet fire of 2039...

death falls as giant cockroaches begin swarming out of mutated ohio river... streams of human/robot alliance emerge... put down insects... humanity vows, never again... all bestsellers destroyed

fourteen thousand years later... alien probe uncovers unburnt copy of "private paris"... infection spreads to interstellar reach... abstract patterforms begin emerging from depths of dead space..
Haiku # 54263, August 24, 2016 6:15 pm ET
by peter of pgh
I typically watch
What What in the Butt and stuff
like that to laugh at.

Seriously, though,
I still like Tool's videos,
but they need new ones!

Haven't heard new bands
that I am ape shit over
in a long long time.

Old age settle in.
A squatter I cant evict.
I should surf naked.

Beats chasing young sluts.
Pregnant girls or diseases.
Ain't got time for that!
Haiku # 54262, August 24, 2016 2:13 pm ET
by df
watching videos
on youtube with weird band names
cannibal corpse? well

they're not that good but
toad the wet sprocket those guys
are actually good
Haiku # 54261, August 24, 2016 11:33 am ET
by vhs
it's like anything that
goes on for years and years there's
a last straw that breaks
Haiku # 54260, August 23, 2016 10:40 pm ET
by vhs
well there was a band
called Garbage but they were quite
actually not bad
Haiku # 54258, August 23, 2016 11:44 am ET
by ronin
It is all garbage.
Absolute fucking garbage.
All that is on here.
Haiku # 54257, August 23, 2016 9:33 am ET
by Anonymous Poet of USA
Goodbye!
Haiku # 54253, August 22, 2016 10:23 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
The thing about Christ.
Few see his true miracle.
That of acceptance.
Haiku # 54252, August 22, 2016 10:22 pm ET
by df
well you know the whole
Christianity thing does have a
shit ton of loopholes

the whole grace thing but
one can't treat the Pearl like a
wooden nickel see...

and yes I've prayed for you, just for you know better relations and all that...Janis might go wait no religious stuff on...

i miss 'em
Haiku # 54250, August 22, 2016 12:45 pm ET
by vhs
Kill the manager.
Paint the walls with your feces.
Claim insanity.

Go on Oprah's show.
Write a book about it all.
Get money and chicks.
Haiku # 54248, August 22, 2016 10:28 am ET
by df
Monday morning blues
So depressed I can't tie my shoes
I hate my shit job
Haiku # 54247, August 22, 2016 9:02 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
The only bad thing
about Christianity
is all the taboos.

No sex, drugs, murder,
adultery, or even
coveting others' stuff.

What a lame belief!
I think I'll become Muslim.
Allah Akbar, y'all!

Can I keep my pigs?
I guess if I don't eat them.
I think it's okay.
Haiku # 54246, August 21, 2016 8:38 pm ET
by DF
I'm Christian PF
We've been going at this for
years in some way or

another, but you
know Mike Meyers Cawfee Tawk
and you know who that

comes up at every
damn encounter with "Christians"
gotta know em and

I just can't keep up
with your own writing, I'd like
to, when it doesn't

fuck with things it's fun
words slip in and slip out as
you can see right there

icing the knee, and
trying to get people to
join me on this site
Haiku # 54245, August 21, 2016 1:37 pm ET
by vhs
once again i am all
verklempt not knowing how to
respond, and then some
Haiku # 54243, August 20, 2016 12:08 pm ET
by vhs
*It !!!!
*It just passed us right on by.
(shitty keyboard.)
Haiku # 54242, August 20, 2016 7:14 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Bad Poetry Day.
I just passed us right on by.
No body loves us.
Haiku # 54241, August 20, 2016 7:14 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
The SPAM can respond?!
Well fuck me running sideways.
It's now self-aware!
Haiku # 54240, August 20, 2016 7:12 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Olympic ping-pong.
The human race needs to die.
It is clenching proof.

Olympic butt-sex,
That's a possibility,
but fucking ping-pong?!

Butt-fucking ping-pong.
Asshole ping-pong ball shooting.
Just like Mexico.

Mexico takes gold.
Then Thailand takes the silver.
USA gets bronze.

She's done it again!
Her 3rd Olympic medal.
Kaitlyn Jenner's great!
Haiku # 54237, August 19, 2016 11:27 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
When it was over,
he wished he'd fucked a sandwich.
Or a burrito.
Haiku # 54236, August 19, 2016 7:08 pm ET
by df
It reminds him of
Arby's roast beef sandwiches
with a horrid stench.

That ain't horsey sauce.
It could use some vinegar.
It made him queasy.

It is just like when
you eat fresh made wasabi;
don't breathe through your nose.
Haiku # 54235, August 19, 2016 6:56 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
The monster's breath reeks.
Just like your wife's vagina.
Oh, that's what it is.
Haiku # 54234, August 19, 2016 6:47 pm ET
by df
Tiny little dick.
Enormous cunt with sharp teeth.
Balls will miss their friend.
Haiku # 54233, August 19, 2016 6:45 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker -- the worst of all bad "poets".
Cigars won't kill you.
They are only unhealthy
if you breathe their smoke.

Instead smoke ganja.
Marijuana cures cancer.
My friend's friend's grandma...

If there were no "if"
mathematicians would die.
If "if" were outlawed.

Big O, little o.
The big IF and little if.
Huge cunt, tiny dick.
Haiku # 54232, August 19, 2016 2:59 pm ET
by I am not myself; the monster has control.
I am no poet!
I never claimed to be one.
I am just a bitch.
Haiku # 54231, August 19, 2016 2:49 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
i often think I
want the props of intellect
cigar in one hand

puffing away, poke
the old words on a page but
i just wash dishes
Haiku # 54230, August 19, 2016 1:01 pm ET
by vhs
this is a long on
going conversation for
two poets bitching
Haiku # 54229, August 19, 2016 11:42 am ET
by vhs
Thanks for the time of my life. Will really recommend you as far as I go. phenq
http://www.phenqsale.com/
Haiku # 54228, August 19, 2016 7:35 am ET
by shella james of usa
Google Fruit are gay.
They're more gay than Bruce Jenner.
Can fruit change its sex?
Haiku # 54227, August 19, 2016 6:44 am ET
by df
I've been hovering
over a marriage I've had
too long, but have kids.

Never get married
if her mother is too fat
'cause she'll look the same.

Never mind all that.
Better just don't get married.
Just be a man whore.
Haiku # 54226, August 18, 2016 10:19 pm ET
by df
i've been hovering
over a job i've had too long
yet can't let it go
Haiku # 54225, August 18, 2016 1:03 pm ET
by vhs
Do you know the password for the router?
Who cleverly hidden away in the depths of it.
You just have to go a little
the link with ip 192.168.0.1
Haiku # 54224, August 18, 2016 8:10 am ET
by Lin of Bombey
In the remote mountains far
Pheasant Long-dormant -
Long tail of a pheasant.
This long, long night
Do I sleep alone?
192.168.1.1
Haiku # 54223, August 18, 2016 7:49 am ET
by malkovich of LA
"Never gonna give
you up, never gonna let
you down." -Rick Astley
Haiku # 54222, August 17, 2016 2:14 pm ET
by hakr14 of the deep web
hmm now i wonder
if two naked gay men could
be cockfighting and

if that would be on
an adult server in some sort
of circles like that
Haiku # 54219, August 16, 2016 11:11 am ET
by vhs
I can't believe this.
He's naked in the cock fight.
Naked Man Sabung.
(Sabung = cock fight.)

A strange tradition.
Your rooster wins and you strip.
Small penis display.
Haiku # 54209, August 15, 2016 8:00 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I guess I fucked up.
Here's the link I meant to post:
Philippines Cock Fight
Haiku # 54208, August 15, 2016 7:31 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Is it SPAM if it's not for profit?
Read this bad novel.
It's vulgar, offensive, and
will make you vomit.
evi1 - a novel about you

Or if you're lazy,
just watch this short You-tube flick:
Chicken fucker fun.

Another good one:
Now this is a great cock fight.
Philippines Cock Fight
Haiku # 54207, August 15, 2016 5:58 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of People's Republic of Spamakistan
Are these robot posts?
Why post spam w/o a link?
What are they selling?
lckaltpssyndtts
Haiku # 54206, August 15, 2016 5:44 pm ET
by df
We have attitude,
testicular fortitude,
anal fartitude.
Haiku # 54205, August 15, 2016 5:41 pm ET
by df
it's like the crack in
the dam, damn, the water will
flow, flood, sweep away
Haiku # 54203, August 15, 2016 12:36 pm ET
by vhs
No body likes me.
I know my music's not great.
Not like Madonna's.
Haiku # 54197, August 14, 2016 11:43 pm ET
by Justin Beiber
i wonder what it
would be like to get someone
"famous" posting stuff

here
Haiku # 54195, August 14, 2016 1:48 pm ET
by vhs
it is out of sight
trees and woods blow in the wind
I smacked into it
Haiku # 54190, August 14, 2016 2:55 am ET
by seed of unknown
ask yourself something
what is your superpower?
using it for good?
Haiku # 54189, August 14, 2016 12:10 am ET
by Manbingo Ricola of North Pensicola
Scam spam scam hello!
Thanks for scam spam hello scam.
Cram Spam in a can.
Haiku # 54188, August 13, 2016 11:41 pm ET
by flglglwiggipoopiepants of The Elitists' Republic of China
That's wrong, Mandingo.
I always poop in my pants.
Yes, others' pants too.

Imagine their look!
I take their clothes from clothes lines.
And then poop in them.

I return the clothes.
And I watch from a distance.
What horrified looks!
Haiku # 54186, August 13, 2016 11:54 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
< 50 Less Recent Haiku 50 More Recent Haiku >